Ashes And Blood
by mandaree1
Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe.**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Warnings: Missing limb, mentions of blood in later chapters.**

 **Author's Note: So, if any of you have read my Amethyst story, I mentioned a possible Connie story. So I decided write the first chapter... and then disappear off the face of the interwebs for a week or two. =) I'm not sorry.**

 **...**

Connie wakes up on Steven's bed.

It's not the slow kind of wake up, either. It's the 'oh-crud-what-happened-where's-the-explosion-is-anyone-dead' kind of awakening. The kind where you burst up and then realize a second to late that your sense of balance is shot and struggle to right yourself.

Connie gasps for air like she's been underwater for weeks. She checks herself for injuries. Is she bleeding? Is she... oh.

She reaches up to trace the nub that juts out a little past her right shoulder blade with trembling fingers. Right. That's a thing now.

It's almost completely healed over, which is a bit of a shock. The gems must've used some sort of magic on it; maybe Rose's fountain? They've never tested it on humans before, as far as she knows. But could they have gotten her that far before she... well, you know. It certainly couldn't have been Steven's doing.

Her mother would be ecstatic if she managed to learn a magic capable of healing torn-off limbs and present it to her in a- mostly- scientific manner. Connie got the feeling that, despite the possibilities it presented, she didn't want to know.

(Honestly, why were some people so against the idea of getting a little spit on them in return for their lives? Sheesh.)

Pearl is sitting on the couch below, using what looked to be some sort of handheld torch. She doesn't seem to notice her, but Connie isn't stupid. She knows the older woman is waiting for her to make the first move.

Getting out of bed is easy enough, albeit a tad awkward. They still had sleepovers, obviously, they'd keep having them until the end of time, but they usually just camped out on the couch together. Or a pillow fort.

Pearl still doesn't look up as she trails down the stairs and sits down on the couch, legs tucked under her, but that's to be expected. The gem got buried in her work rather easily, and it would take someone actually _saying_ something to her to draw her out of it.

Connie puts her hands- puts her _hand_ on her knee and waits. If she spoke up now, she wasn't sure she could control what would come out.

Eventually (actually, it was probably only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity), Pearl glances up from her work. "Connie. I'm glad to see you're up and moving. Any noticeable injuries?"

"No, ma'm." Besides the obvious. Connie bites her tongue. "Steven?"

"Still in his gem. Considering the fact that regeneration is typically for gems and Steven is at least partially organic, I suppose it is to be expected that it would take him a while to regenerate."

'If he regenerates' a tiny voice in her mind says. For once, she squashes it out with ease. This _is_ Steven they're talking about, after all. "How long was I out?"

"Oh, only a few days. Your body reacted surprisingly well to the healing magic. We were expecting you to be out for a week or two."

There's pride in her voice, like her body's ability to heal and will to survive is her doing. And the thought isn't entirely unfounded, honestly. Her training and Steven's healing spit; one had made her stronger, the other had helped her body learn to accept and allow healing magics to flow through her body from years of Steven fixing her up after training so it could work quicker and better than with someone just using it for the first time.

"My... parents?"

That makes her pause in her work. "The town is still evacuated. The ship was dangerous enough the first time, but there were gems involved. We need to make sure no weapons or remains are left behind before they can be allowed back. You can stay with us until then. Take Steven's bed. It's not like anyone's using it right now."

Right. Gems.

( _And gem weapons like the one you were forced to watch helplessly as it pierced Steven's- your best friend, your liege, your fellow knight- chest and_ \- shut up. She didn't want to think about that.)

"Amethyst should be home soon. She's been getting a head start on the clean-up."

"Okay."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fi- no," She shook her head. "I can't say that. I'm not fine. I won't be for a while. I'm just... numb, I guess." She paused. "It'll all catch up with me later. Then Steven and I can have some big crying session together, or something. He's gone through a lot too, with this being his first regeneration and all." Pearl wasn't there when Steven was stabbed. She didn't have to know about her failure. Not yet. He could tell her himself.

Pearl hums in agreement and gets back to work. Connie lets her, focusing on the sounds of machinery and the gem humming an idle tune rather than think about-

Well. You get the point.

* * *

Amethyst returns an hour or two later. Neither woman has moved. Connie isn't sure _where_ Garnet is, honestly. The way Pearl was talking made it sound like she _wasn't_ cleaning up, that she was doing... well, whatever Garnet did when she disappeared. She could only assume it was important, whatever it was. Maybe she was watching over Steven? That _would_ explain why she had yet to see his poofed gem.

Her eyes lit up when she saw her. Not in a physical sense, obviously, as her eyes were always dark, but the smile on her face suddenly looked that much more natural. "Hey! You're awake!"

"I'm awake." Connie agreed. Amethyst stands on tip-toe to examine her right shoulder.

"Wow." She says with a whistle. "Nice."

"Amethyst!"

"It's okay, Pearl." She prefers the treatment, honestly. It's better than being fussed over. "It certainly is one heck of a battle scar." She says, addressing the shorter gem with a smile she didn't quite feel.

"Yup. Looks pretty cool though." She falters. "You, uh, you doin' okay? If I'm buggin' you, just say so. I can't always take a hint."

"I've been better." She answers bluntly, then pauses. "Uh, Amethyst? Could you help me with something?"

Amethyst blinks at her. "Sure. What?"

"Well..." She tries to figure out how to phrase her request and keep her dignity. Amethyst is kind-hearted and carefree in a way her mentor is not, which is why she was asking her rather than the gem who'd been sitting next to her for over an hour, but it was still hard to get the words out when she knew Pearl was listening. "My clothes are kinda blech, and I don't know how... I'd only need help with a little bit..."

Amethyst's eyes light up again, this time in understanding. "Oh. _Oh_. Yeah. Cool. Come'on." She grabs her wrist in a surprisingly gentle grip and leads her into her room.

As it turns out, Amethyst has loads of normal, human clothes scattered about her room. They're a bit outdated, but perfectly wearable.

She shrugs when she asks. "I went through a fashonista phase back when me and Vidalia hung out more. Take your pick. 'S not like I need 'em or anything."

Connie finds herself a dark purple tank-top relatively close to the one Amethyst used to wear before she got rid of the thing entirely- one side with a strap and the other without- and a pair of jeans. It might be inside out, considering the one the gem wore always trailed over her _right_ shoulder, but it's clothing that isn't torn to shreds or smells like ashes and blood, so it's perfect.

"Nice." Is all Amethyst says after helping her pull her jeans up and button them. She zipped them herself, though. She still had her pride. "It's a good look for you."

"Thanks."

Pearl's finally moved from the couch when they arrive. She's in the kitchen, making her something to eat and trying to ignore the smell of food, judging by the way her nose is scrunched. Two of the barstools are filled, but before Connie can think of it further she's tackled to the floor by a small blur of blue.

She blinked at the pile of blue hair right under her nose. "Sapphire?"

"Connie." She greets calmly, despite the harsh grip on her sides. Ruby waves at her from the side, having stood up during the commotion.

"What're you two doing apart?" She asks, partially out of concern, mostly because she just can't help herself. The last time she's seen them like this was at Steven's last birthday, and that was plenty. Don't get her wrong, she loves them, but Garnet is who they are. She understands that. Respects it. Forcing them to un-fuse was like forcing her _to_ fuse with Steven for more than a few days at a time.

(Long weekends and slumber parties can lead to accidental fusion training on more than a few occasions. Just a warning. She likes being Stevonnie, it feels amazing, but it gets kind of lonely after awhile if it's not under the right circumstances.)

Connie tries to sit up, but it's not as easy as it used to be now that she's missing a stabilizer. Sapphire sees this and helps her into a sitting position.

"Hey, every couple needs some time apart here and there." Ruby shrugs, but she can't meet her eyes while she says it.

Connie really wants to ask, but she's got enough problems on her hands- no, wait, too soon. Ouch.- as it is, so she doesn't. They'll tell her when they're ready. Or they won't. Whichever works.

"It's not important." Sapphire agrees, pulling her to her feet. Connie is grateful for the assistance. "We need to work through some... things. Come on, Pearl made lunch. You need to regain your strength."

Connie didn't argue.

 **Author's Note: Before you ask, there _is_ a reason why Ruby and Sapphire are un-fused. They aren't doing it just because I like the characters or anything. Also, I'm not going to go into any of the 'what might happen if Steven were forced to regenerate' theories. I love 'em all, don't get me wrong, this just isn't the 'fic for them.**

 **Also, I was trying to describe Amethyst's season one outfit; how the one strap was like a tank-top sort of deal.**

 **I'd also like to think that this is when they are older. Not teenage-older, but around puberty age. Maybe a year or two ahead of the show.**

 **Only my second time writing about a character having lost a limb, and the other one already had a prosthetic at the start of the story (I really need to finish that one). How am I doing?**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes and Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Warnings: Missing limb, blood in later chapters.**

 **...**

 **Dalekz universe \- Thanks!**

 **broken hallelujah \- Thank you. I'm trying. =)**

 **Joe \- Very true. Connie needs more knight stories.**

 **HufflepuffHeroine \- Thanks!**

 **Sueanoi \- The feels have been brought, my friend. =)**

 **Komodo23 \- Oh, don't worry, friend. I'm far from done. It's just taking me a little while to get things around. This baby's gonna be six or seven chapters, at least.**

 **...**

Connie eats her food with precision and grace. Partially because cleanliness and politeness have been ingrained in her since she could stand, and mostly because she wants to prove to everyone- her mentor especially- that she's not incapable. She can still do things. An arm isn't the end of the world. Not stopping that ship _would_ have been the end.

Amethyst swallows her plate in one gulp. Connie feels giddy watching her. It's like seeing your friend do something you know would never fly in your house in front of their parents and still expecting the reprimand, only for it to not come.

"Hey, kiddo?" Ruby calls from the living area, and Connie can only assume she means her. Amethyst may be young for a gem- or so she thinks- but she's fairly sure that no one, not even a part of Garnet, can get away with calling her 'kiddo.' "Can I get some help?"

"Yes... Ma'am?" She's never felt the need to call Garnet 'ma'am.' Garnet was like a surrogate mother; someone you respected unconditionally. But Ruby, while a part of Garnet, isn't her all on her own.

"Don't call me ma'am unless you're shorter than me." She brushed it off. "The stupid door came off the hinges. I need someone to hold it while I screw it back on."

"Sure, uh, Ruby." Connie pushed the door into place with her hand and braced it with her shoulder. The one that isn't injured.

Ruby crouches down and grabs the screwdriver, holding the tips of three screws in her lips like a cheesy handyman in a sitcom.

"So, uh, where's Steven?"

"Our room." She answers around the metal. By 'our' Connie assumes she means her and Sapphire's. "We made 'em a special spot- just the right temp for him to be comfortable."

That's oddly sweet of them. Connie's been in Garnet's room before; she knows it's not the most environmentally friendly to human bodies.

(Steven takes her with him when he goes to try and heal the corrupted gems. He's afraid the Crystal Gems will compare him to Rose if they see his failures, but he needs someone there as backup; 'just in case.')

(He cries every time. Connie holds him close and cries with him.)

"Sapphy's on first watch." Ruby says in response to the unasked question. "Don't worry; he's in good hands."

"Good. Is he, uh, is he gonna be okay?"

Ruby looks at her with a look that's one part anger and one part resignation. "Do you honestly think he _won't_ be okay?"

"No." She answers honestly with a shake of her head. "This _is_ Steven we're talking about. I just... wanted to be sure."

"If there was anything to be worried about, Sapphire would have told me by now." She says, refocusing on screwing in the hinges. The screwdriver jerks, making the screw she was working on tilt and fall out. "Ulgh, stupid screwdriver!"

She glares at the door in an attempt to beat it into submission- Connie personally believes the door is winning- when suddenly she jolts and spits the screws out with a disgusted growl. "Ergh!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just," She says between spits. "Melted the screws. Ugh, that's horrible. How can you eat this junk all the time?"

The question is directed at Amethyst, who has been watching them from a bar-stool with a grin and a laugh. "Metal ain't exactly somethin' I eat on a daily basis, but if you're offering..."

Ruby wipes her mouth on her arm. "And now we're out of screws. Fine. I'm just gonna leave this one to Pearl."

Connie shifts the door so it's mostly out of the way. Ruby stands up with a huff and stomps away. "I'm gonna go check on Sapphire." She says through gritted teeth. No one answers her.

"Well." Connie crouches down and picks up the tool, a perfect hand print melted into its handle. "There goes a perfectly good screwdriver."

"Eh. P's probably got tons more. I know I have some in my room."

Yes, but if they were in her room they'd probably never see the light of day again. She's honestly surprised they found her an outfit at all. She was worried she was going to have to nick one from an empty store somewhere.

* * *

"Ma'am, I hate to be nosy, but..."

Pearl doesn't even glance up from her work. "You're going to ask about Ruby and Sapphire."

Connie hesitates, mentally reviewing her tone of voice for a warning to hold her tongue. While not happy, it's lacking that kind of bite to it. "Yes, ma'am. Seeing them un-fused is rather unsettling."

"It's been a long week for everyone. They've been under a lot of stress; it's not surprising that they'd have trouble holding themselves together."

"I understand that, ma'am." Steven's taught her the inter-workings of fusion. She's also been subjected to then, in good and bad ways. "But Garnet's usually incredibly stable. I thought it would take more than this to split her up."

"Normally, it does." She agrees. "But..." Pearl sighed. "You're lucky, Connie. You don't remember what happened after we found you."

Of course she didn't. The brain had a habit of blocking memories it perceived to be too painful. "I remember a lot of pain, but everything is really fuzzy."

"Hmm." Pearl doesn't sound very surprised. She's probably studied this type of thing at some point- if only to pass the time. "Finding you like that, not to mention Steven's gem... It's enough to haunt anyone, honestly."

"Was his gem okay?"

"Of course. You did an amazing job protecting him. I'm both grateful to you and not. You saved him like a true knight would, but... humans can't exactly regrow limbs. You're not like us."

Connie knew that. Her mother was a _doctor_ , for gosh sake. "It's a good thing it happened now instead of later." She says instead, keeping her gaze straight ahead. "The younger you are, the quicker you adjust."

Pearl didn't answer. "You were still attached."

"Huh?"

"Your arm. It was mostly off, but not completely. Garnet," She swallowed. "Garnet was the one to sever it."

"Oh." Connie fights the urge to touch the soon-to-be scar. Hearing was enough. If she didn't control herself she might just end up reliving it.

"That's enough to push _any_ fusion into separating." Pearl finishes, then pauses. "I'm sorry. I went to far, didn't I?"

She swallowed. "No, ma'am. Just... that's enough for right now, if you don't mind."

"Of course." Pearl goes back to work with far less enthusiasm. "Take all the time you need. I understand."

Connie took a deep breath, swallowed, and ignored the urge to cry.

 **Author's Note: Ruby and Sapphire; un-fusion revealed!**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Warnings: Missing limb, mild panic attacks.**

 **...**

 **Sueanoi \- 'Tis my job, friend. Wait'll we get to the flashback chapter. =) (Yes, there's going to be a flashback chapter.)**

 **Dragshot (chapter 1)- Lazy? Hmmm. I've been told I have a rather easy-going writing style, but I've never heard it be called 'lazy' before. Live and learn, eh?**

 **Dragshot (Chapter 2)- Thanks! =)**

 **pearl \- Thank you. =)**

 **...**

At some point during her 'heroic' dash to get to the beach from her house, Connie had, rather carelessly, she might add, tossed her glasses aside.

She wasn't thinking about the future right then. She was thinking about Homeworld and the fact she was literally on her way to a battle and who in their right mind brought what amounted to dead weight to a battlefield? Besides, Connie hadn't technically needed her glasses for over a year now. Her parents knew about Steven's healing capabilities. They knew he'd healed her. And they also knew the completely accidental circumstances involved.

Connie more or less wore them because she liked them. (Steven also liked them, especially now that she was wearing them on honest terms, but that only had a very small part to do with it, honest. He seemed to like any look she chose to adorn. If she was wearing something just because he liked it, but had personally grown weary of it, he'd feel bad. Connie _never_ wanted to make Steven feel bad.)

Amethyst, at some point during her clean-up prior to her awakening, had taken the time to search through her route and find them, and had returned them accordingly. They were a little dirty, but it wasn't like a quick wash wouldn't fix that up. And with no cracks to be crammed into (it's a real booger to get dirt out from between lenses and frame, let her tell you) it fell away easily.

She hasn't put them on yet. Instead she keeps them clipped to her shirt as some sort of trophy.

There's not a whole lot to do around the temple. Pearl is busy building something (what, Connie doesn't know- or, to be more precise, hasn't _asked_ to know), Amethyst is always either cleaning up or raiding the fridge, and Ruby and Sapphire have been more or less secluding themselves, only coming out for their three daily meals. Ruby doesn't eat, nor does Pearl, so things get awkward at the table fast without Steven around to liven things up.

(Sapphire, as it turns out, is an incredibly picky eater. That's why Garnet only eats 'sometimes.')

The TV's busted, but there's not a whole lot on lately anyway. 'Under The Knife' is on a hiatus, and that's the only TV show she likes to watch.

To alleviate her boredom, Connie rereads the books on Steven's shelves, most of which she's given to him in the first place. Reading newer hard-cover books with one hand is surprisingly annoying, what with the book always wanting to close on her, but Connie learns to adapt.

The number one concern on her mind, however, is Pearl. The gem hasn't said two words about training since she woke up, and that's mildly worrying. Losing a limb is a justifiable excuse to cease all training whatsoever, one Connie can't really argue with. But if she does that, then how is she supposed to help Steven? What kind of friend would she be if she let a silly thing like this stop her from fighting by his side?

(Okay, so it's not silly, but maybe if she downplays it enough it'll start _feeling_ like nothing.)

Ruby and Sapphire can work out whatever's eating at them together. Amethyst is already coping as best she can. If her teacher decides to pull the plug on sword fighting, Connie can't do anything but bow her head and say; 'Yes, ma'am,' because it's completely in her right to.

Connie doesn't sleep all that well without her slumber party pal. Not in his own bed, anyway. Nobody can really blame her on that one.

Eventually she gets up the gumption to ask Amethyst if she can come along with her. She hasn't left the house yet, and now is a good a time as ever. The gem agrees and, privately, admits she has yet to actually tackle the beach itself.

"I've been cleaning up the broken glass and any major breaks I saw. Haven't really gotten around to touching it."

Connie, her head tucked to her chest, considers both the pros and cons before finally nodding. "I'm ready."

She has to face her fears sometime.

* * *

Any living gems are already hidden away in the temple, protected by the sturdy pink of Steven's bubble, but weapons still linger among the wreckage, having no one to make them disappear.

The only weapon she can't find is her own sword, but that's to be expected. It was damaged, for one thing. For another; a ship landed on it. It's probably been crushed into the sand by now, _if_ it wasn't melted by the heat and pressure of the initial contact. (Then again, she didn't have any major burns, so maybe not.)

"Man, this place is trashed." Amethyst whistles anxiously. "This is gonna take _forever_."

"Probably." She agrees, kicking a shard over. "So we might as well get started."

One couldn't say her mother and father hadn't taught her the in's and out's of having a good work ethic. She worked hard and diligently, as is to be expected. Slouching on the job is an all-around bad idea, especially when it's on a battlefield.

It's all a bit surreal, honestly. The last thing she remembered before passing out was the beach on fire and the ship falling to the ground in chunks, the smell of ashes, and _pain_ , but now it's all so... innocent. The only dangerous things here now are the pointy bits left out in the open.

(And the technology, obviously, but Connie seriously doubted any humans could crack the technology- herself included.)

Until, that is, she finds _it_.

It being the gem that stabbed Steven in the back- quite literally. It being the gem who had quickly and efficiently sliced the point of her sword off.

It being the gem she had, quite possibly by pure luck and a stroke of magic on Pearl's end, stabbed back and broken.

Connie stumbles back. Her backside hits the sand, but she hardly notices. She focuses on keeping herself upright and taking deep breathes.

"Whoa, whoa. Connie, what's wrong?" Amethyst is by her side in an instant. She reaches out to hold her, then stops herself, hands reaching for her right side and left shoulder but never quite touching. Connie stares at the broken gem, waiting for it to burst to life, to take form, to kill her, to _do_ something.

Amethyst follows her line of sight. "Oh. Is that-"

She swallows and nods, mouth dry.

"Oh. Okay. I got this. See? See?" She bent over and wrapped the fractured gem in a dark purple bubble, teleporting it without preamble. Connie dimly registers, in the part of her mind that _isn't_ panicking, that she's never seen the gem bubble things before.

She doesn't know if she says it aloud or not (maybe it was just the look she was giving her), but Amethyst flushes and scratches the back of her head. "Heh. I don't like doin' that if I don't got to. My bubbling skills are pretty weak, 'specially compared to Garnet or Steven's."

Connie's stomach clenches, because Amethyst's bubbles are weak and she'd just sent that _thing_ to the place where Steven was regenerating. Vulnerable, vulnerable Steven, whose gem, while difficult to crack, was still the only thing barring him from death, and he couldn't even protect himself in this state.

"Crud. Probably shouldn't have said that." She flops down on the sand and put a small hand in her shoulder. "Listen. Gems can't regenerate inside bubbles. Steven's gonna be just fine."

But what if he isn't? Amethyst already said her bubbles were pretty weak; what if they'd found a way? Homeworld's abilities and magical prowess were murky at best; what if they'd discovered a way to pop bubbles and they just didn't _know_?

"Okay, okay. Let me rephrase that. She's dead, Connie. She's not coming back. And even if she _could_ , cracked gems can't summon their weapons. Ruby and Sapphire are pretty tough when they gotta be, and there ain't nobody on this planet who's gonna get near Steven if they don't like them."

Connie made a strangled noise and nodded, blinking back tears. Killing that gem hadn't really bothered her, honestly. She stabbed it, it broke, poof, gone. It was knowing that Steven- kind, passionate, always looking for the best out of people _Steven_ \- would find out that terrified her.

Her heart squeezes painfully. Amethyst pulls her into a hug. "It's okay. I get it. We've all been there. Take your time."

She grits her teeth and slowly wills the shaking to subside. Amethyst's hair is well-cared for, something she is grateful for, considering her nose is half-buried in it.

"Better?" The purple gem asks when she pulls away. Connie wipes her moist eyes on her arm.

"Better."

"You, uh, you gonna be okay, or do you wanna head back?"

She shook her head. "I'll be okay. Let's get back to work."

* * *

Pearl perks up when they open the front door, Amethyst leading, and stands up. "How did it go?"

For a split second Connie is afraid she'll tell the taller gem about her little 'moment' on the beach, but Amethyst just shrugs. "We got some of the bigger stuff outta the way, so it's a start."

Oh. Right. Duh. Amethyst is no hypocrite. It took life-or-death situations to get her to openly discuss her insecurities and pain- _especially_ if Steven was in the room, as she wanted him to be proud of her (as if he would ever _not_ be). What kind of gem would she be if she tattled Connie's to the first gem she saw?

"Oh. Well, that's good." Pearl smiles widely. Connie isn't sure if she's trying to show her support or is faking it horribly. Either way, she doesn't ask, and neither does Amethyst.

"Eh. I'mma go take a nap." She pats Connie's shoulder before disappearing into her room. Pearl watches her go with a friendly scoff.

"She'll clean the beach, but she won't clean her room." She tuts, but there's no heat to it. Pearl turns to her. "I have something I'd like to give you."

"Yes... ma'am?" She says, mildly concerned. Gems don't typically give gifts. Birthdays aren't really their style (and why would they be, when they live forever?) and they never got into most human holidays.

But it's not a present. It's a prosthetic, or so Pearl proclaims as she holds out a perfectly sized and crafted metal arm with yellow vein-like appendages running through the inside.

"It has a cloaking device, so it should match its color to your skin tone once you put it on." She explains. "It's set to- for the most part- painlessly attach to your spinal cord and brain, so it'll work exactly like your old arm did... I hope."

Connie stares at it, partially because she wasn't expecting it, mostly because it is, quite obviously, even, derived from Homeworld technology. "Uh, ma'am? Not that I don't trust and believe in your skills as an engineer completely, but..." She hesitates. "This is still Homeworld technology. Are you absolutely sure it's safe?"

Pearl's face softens. She nods. "Homeworld, while filled with dangerous gems, has remarkably unbiased technology. I can only assume it's to make the juggling of ships and leaders less complicated. I've already taken measures to block anything that could possibly be dangerous."

Connie takes her at her word. Pearl is meticulous in her work, and she's certain everything has already been combed through multiple times. Rather than argue further, she lifts the prosthetic to her right shoulder.

It attaches itself almost immediately. There's a slight tingling sensation, but otherwise the area goes numb. Yellow 'veins' appear just under the skin on her shoulder, then disappear further down as they reach for her spine.

There's a flash of light. The color changes from a blue-ish green to dark brown.

Blinking, she lifts it to the light, only to find the skin just as transparent as it was before. Yellow veins go to each finger, pool into her palm, and skitter up her arm into her shoulder.

"Excellent. Can you move it?"

Connie twitches the fingers, then clenches them into a fist. She can see the 'muscles' clench, but she doesn't feel anything.

"Alright. I have some tests for you, if you don't mind."

She doesn't. Pearl has her move each finger and raise and lower her arm. She sets a row of different objects on the table in front of the couch, and Connie grabs and uses each one to test her range of mobility.

The last one is a juice box, which she calmly pokes the straw through and takes a drink from. She's suddenly reminded of that picnic on the hill, that juice box filled with backwash, and of the glasses clipped to her chest.

"Pearl?"

"Yes, Connie?"

"I can't feel it." She sets the box down in demonstration. "I can move my arm and the fingers, but I can't _feel_ any of it. It's not like it's numb or anything, it's just... not there."

"Well, no." Pearl blinks at her. "As amazing as Homeworld tech is, it can't- or, perhaps, won't- recreate nerve endings. You're never going to have feeling in that arm again."

She'd already guessed that, but hearing it be said so bluntly is a punch to the gut- one of many she's had today. Connie leans back and closes her eyes, willing away more tears. This isn't the time to cry.

"Connie, are you okay?"

She shakes herself and blankly wipes her face. "I'm fine, ma'am. This is just one of those 'wow, this really happened' moments, you know?"

She did. Of course she did. She'd survived a war, after all. Pearl doesn't answer.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Let's finish those tests."

"We're done testing for the day. I have to get started on dinner."

Had the day really passed so quickly? Connie had hardly noticed the hours slip by.

"Oh, and, Connie?" She pauses halfway through her trek to the kitchen. "Once this has all blown over, you and I need to have a talk about our lessons. We need to tweak the schedule a bit, but otherwise I think it'll be almost the same as before."

Connie perks up. "We're still doing it?"

"Of course we are." She scoffs. "Do you honestly think I'd stop now? You're at a disadvantage now, I must admit. Even more so than before. But we'll work around it. If anything, this little setback is all the more reason to train even harder."

Her chest puffs out on it's own accord, heart swelling with it. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Good. Now, come on. Helping me cook will be good practice."

Connie scrambles to get off the couch. "Yes, ma'am."

The juice box is left half-full on the table.

 **Author's Note: Because I can't be the only one who can't see the gems letting Connie go home missing an arm, right? =)**

 **Now might also be a good time to mention that Peridot isn't going to make an appearance in here. Not because I don't like her, but because the idea came to me before 'Catch And Release' and I can't imagine a good way to work her into the story without making her look like a third wheel now.**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes and Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld**

 **Warnings: Missing limb.**

 **...**

 **Suenoi \- Worry no longer, friend. =)**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds \- Thanks!**

 **...**

"Can I see him?"

Sapphire, halfway through chewing a bite of food, coughs and delicately puts her fist to her mouth, having not expected that. Connie sends her an apologetic look. Ruby glances at her to make sure she's okay, then turns back to Connie.

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you sure?" She casts a pointed glance at the blue gem. Sapphire swallows and nods.

"I wasn't expecting the question, that's all. Wasn't using my future vision." Connie doesn't think that this is the kind of thing that could be turned off, but, rather, be directed towards simpler things. Things that didn't involve the girl whose limb they'd severed asking to see the gem of their adopted 'son' a few weeks after his first poofing. Sapphire fixes her a look, but, due to her bangs, Connie can't see what _kind_ of look. "You never asked to see him before now."

It wasn't a question, but it sure sounded like one.

"I wasn't ready. Now I am."

She knew it was silly, but she'd wanted to be... _whole_ the first time they met up again. Connie is well aware of the fact that Steven can't actually _see_ anything, and, even if he could, he'd just be happy to see her, but it hadn't felt right.

She still wasn't whole. But this was the closest she was going to get.

"Alright then." She nodded. "After dinner."

The room was exactly how she remembered it. Sweltering hot and lit, not by lights, but by the earth itself. Bubbles of different colors and sizes float around the room. Connie knows them all by name.

Steven had introduced her, of course. He'd took them down one by one, repeating the names of the ones he knew, making up names for the ones he didn't. It took him hours. She'd sat by his side and listened quietly as he spoke, sword propped up against the door.

Steven's gem is on a pedestal-type thing Connie has never seen before- they probably made it just for him, now that she thought about it- on a pillow. The air around it seems cooler than the air in the rest of the room, but still warm enough to sustain life.

Hot and cold. Rubies and Sapphires. Well played.

"Do you think he can, I don't know, sense me?" Connie asks as she gently picks the gem up. "I don't know how all this works."

"Eh." Ruby shrugs. "You can feel some of the little stuff; drastic changes in temperature, familiar presences, large amounts of things like stress or panic. He'll recognize your presence, but he won't be able to put a _name_ to it."

Sapphire gently places her gem hand on Ruby's arm in a silent bid for comfort and gestures towards Connie. "He won't recognize you if you hold him like that, you know."

Connie blinks and is suddenly hyper-aware of the fact she'd picked him up with her _right_ hand. It wasn't intentional, her right hand just happens to be her dominant hand, even now.

She switches his gem to her left hand without comment. It's warm, which doesn't really surprise her. She's missed the warmth, actually. Is comforted by it. "Well, he certainly recognizes me now."

* * *

Connie spent the next week watching over Steven's gem, off and on, when she wasn't helping out around the temple or cleaning the beach.

Now that someone else is watching over his gem, Ruby and Sapphire finally draw themselves out of their seclusion. Connie didn't think they'd spent most of their time waiting for him to regenerate; knew they didn't, even. She was becoming more and more certain of the fact that they were just trying to avoid her eye.

 _Why_ , however, was a bit of a mystery. The gems had lived for thousands upon thousands of years now; surely they'd seen a human lose a limb by now? She knew that they'd seen blood; was certain of it. It wasn't just gems that fought in the war, both Steven and Mr. Universe had told her. People had died too.

Maybe it's just her. Maybe it's because she's Steven's friend, and they felt guilty for causing her harm _because_ she's his friend. Maybe they're avoiding her because she's part of the reason they'd stayed split up for so long. She certainly hoped that wasn't the case.

"I'm sorry." She says one day, cradling his gem to her stomach. She keeps her gaze on it rather than look at the gems in question. She wonders what Steven felt when she held his gem. Warmth? Familiarity? None of the above?

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Sapphire says, but Connie can't help but feel like she's just saying it to make her feel better.

"Yes, I do." She says it patiently. Her tears have, for the most part, dried, but it still hurt to talk like this, so _personally_ , so soon. "I'm part of the reason you're like this. Garnet is who you are. I've made you so uncomfortable you can't even be yourselves. That's not right, and I'm sorry."

They exchanged a look. Ruby sets a blazing hot hand on her shoulder. Connie tries not to shy away from it. "Look, kiddo. That's not your fault. You didn't make the ship fall on you."

No, no she didn't. Still. "I should've gotten off the beach when I had the chance."

"If you'd gone the other way you both would've died." Sapphire responds, voice wavering only slightly, and Connie believes her. She does, after all, possess the future vision Steven was so amazed by. "This was one of the better... possibilities. Ruby and I just have some things we need to work out. We've been... putting it off." She glances pointedly at the red gem, who winces appropriately. "It's not your fault." She repeats, this time more strongly.

Connie doesn't answer. At times like these, she's reminded just how lucky she is _not_ to have any sort of future sight.

Sapphire pauses, jerks, and sets a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "Let's give her some privacy."

"But-"

"Ruby."

Ruby hears things in her voice that Connie doesn't. She immediately straightens and nods, the ghost of a smile on her face.

"Sure." Then, as an afterthought; "Amethyst could probably use some help."

"Probably." Sapphire agrees.

They leave her alone. Unsure what to make of their sudden departure, Connie returns Steven's gem to the pillow and sits down, numbly examining the transparency and yellow veins that now make up her right arm.

They aren't going away. She needs to accept that.

And that's around the time Steven's gem starts to glow. Connie stands, the pieces falling into place in her mind, and she doesn't know if she should hug the smaller gems or punch them. Ruby would accept the hug with a grumble; return the punch with reckless abandon. Sapphire would see both coming and handle them accordingly.

Garnet would shrug and return the hug... probably stare her down if she tried to punch her. The highest point she can reach would be her stomach, which she can only assume, considering the woman fights monsters and saves the world on a daily basis, was as hard as the stones she was made of.

"Hey."

Connie's mind snaps to the present. She'd missed the glowing and shifting song and dance she'd seen with Amethyst and, once, Pearl, but Steven is back, face drawn in concern and happiness all at once.

"Steven!" She bursts forward and wraps him into a hug he returns gratefully, pressing their foreheads together. Beside herself, she laughs.

The shirt is gone, replaced by a red hoodie with a star in the center, the fabric light enough to not bother him in the heat but still keep him warm in the cold. The seams are a clean white color. The jeans are still there, but they look thicker. More reinforced. The sandals aren't gone, but Connie is sure he'll wear them until the day he _dies_ , no matter _how_ bad they are for your feet and back.

They're battle clothes, she realizes with a start. The closest he'll ever come to them, anyway.

"I missed you." They both admit, then break off into laughter.

"Yeah, me too..." He says, and Connie's heart echoes the statement.

* * *

Steven still has the ability to squeal and go starry-eyed when he sees Ruby and Sapphire, and runs up to hug them without so much as a hello. Hugs them all, really. Pearl joins the embrace almost immediately, and Amethyst, who had been shuffling her feet off to the side, hesitantly wraps her arms around them as far as they can go without so much as a complaint.

Connie is floored. Steven has just been stabbed. He's been stuck in his gem for weeks, which must be a disorienting experience for something that's part human. But he can still laugh and cry and hug, free as a bird. Her respect for him deepens even more.

She lets them have their moment in peace.

* * *

It's starting to get dark out when Steven meets her by the fence. She's leaning her back against it, idly pulling up bits of grass.

She didn't ask him to come. He just does.

"Hey." He flops down next to her. "Pearl, uh, told me what happened. What they think happened." He corrects himself.

"She did?"

"Yeah. Can you really not feel that?"

He nods at her right hand, tangled up in the blades of grace.

"Nope." She answers with a shake of her head.

"Oh. Can I... can I see? I mean, not if it makes you uncomfortable or anything-"

"It doesn't." Not anymore. Not now that he's back. Connie presses her thumb against the middle of the shoulder. A bright line appears, severing the limb with more precision than a blade.

"Whoa, that's rad!"

"Eh." She holds the prosthetic out with a shrug. "I can't feel it, so that's a relief, I guess."

"You're still a little scabbed over." He says, and Connie looks over to find that he's right. She must've reopened the wound at some point, but she can't remember for the life of her when. Steven licks his thumb almost absentmindedly and heals the scab.

Now the scar is a two-parter, like someone erased the middle but was to lazy to erase the beginning or the end. It looks so ridiculous but fitting that Connie laughs.

They sit in silence for a little while. It's not the awkward kind; it's the kind you might have while sitting next to a friend to watch the highly anticipated season finale of one of your favorite shows. A 'I'm happy you're here with me- pass the popcorn- let's snuggle under a blanket' kind of quiet.

"Hey, Connie?"

"Yeah?"

"What _did_ happen after I got poofed?"

Connie tenses, although she knew the question was coming. "The ship fell on me."

"Yeah. But, like, between that? All the stuff I missed."

She doesn't answer, lips pressed together firmly. Doesn't know _how_. How to properly express fear and adrenaline and that sinking feeling she'd had in her gut.

Steven stares at her a long moment, eyes soft, before hesitantly reaching out to touch her shoulder. "Wanna fuse?"

She blinks. "You mean us? Fuse into... Stevonnie?" It's been a while since the last time they fused. Even before the ship. But they'd never really planned it or anything before, so...

(He always asked for permission first, though. Always held out his hand and gave her a look that made sure to remind her what happened when they danced, because they had always made sure to instill proper fusing etiquette in him.)

(She always took it.)

"Well, yeah." He shrugs nonchalantly, but she can see the worry there. "That way, we won't have to think or say anything. Just... feel."

 _And remember._ That part goes unspoken.

Connie hesitates, but doesn't look away.

"I mean, I can understand if you don't want to. Really."

"Huh? Oh, no. I'd like to, really, just..." She reaches down to grab the prosthetic- which she'd forgotten she'd taken off- but doesn't quite make it.

"You don't have to wear it. I mean, unless you want to. If it makes you more comfortable, then-"

"No, no." She shakes her head, straightens, and takes his offered hand. "It was never really about comfort."

Dancing with one arm is weird, but Connie's never been very proud of her dance skills anyway, so it might be for the best. In her mind, it's one less limb to flail around uselessly.

Steven dances with all of his family in him. Garnet's smoothness, Amethyst's openness, a dash of Pearl's grace, a bit of Greg's style, and something so _Steven_ it sets him apart from the rest. She tucks her head into his shoulder as they fuse.

Their pants go down to their knees now, and their right shirt sleeve goes down to their wrist, but the fabric and the look is still the same. Stevonnie looks themselves over, twirls, then sits down with a giggle.

"Alright, serious time." They lean their head against the fence and close their eyes. "Let's get started."

 **Author's Note: Stevonnie makes an appearance! =)**

 **Flashback chapter is coming up next, folks. Are ye' prepared?**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Warnings: slight mentions of blood and missing limb**

 **...**

 **Dalekz universe \- Indeed. =)**

 **Sueanoi \- Don't worry, friend. This is, in my opinion, one of the feels-iest chapters in the story. Once you move past this, it'll all be much easier.**

 **broken hallelujah \- I won't lie- I did that for my first stories. But I've learned to let my stories tell their tale on their own now, and only answer reviews and PM's rather than try to 'pump up the feels.'**

 **Dante Watterson \- Thanks =)**

 **Komodo23 \- Thanks!**

 **The Keeper of Worlds \- =) Thank you**

 **me again (broken hallelujah) \- No need to delete; criticism is important. =) And I haven't been able to proofread my latest chapters. I'll get on that soon.**

 **Guest (October 27) \- That was the point, my friend. Little breaks are fun. =)**

 **...**

It started, as it had before, with a sonic boom.

It was early morning, and Connie was playing her violin. Both of her parents were off at their respective jobs. She wasn't sure if Steven was awake yet, but was planning on calling him later to see if he was up and willing to binge-watch some old movies together. That is, if Pearl didn't snatch her up for some extra training on the side first.

Her first reaction is to hide under the table, which she did, once she hurriedly stuffed the instrument into its case and closed it properly (priorities). It took a few seconds for reality to sink in (she'd originally thought it was an earthquake, honestly. Hence the priorities). She quickly stood up and raced up the stairs to change and put her hair up, because, as comfortable as dresses were, they weren't very good battle gear. Neither was unkempt long hair.

Thanks to that infamous hospital break-in, Connie is allowed to keep weapons in her room, so long as she keeps the area around them clear and secure. She has three swords hanging on the wall, well-sharpened, but the middle one was given to her by Pearl just for situations such as this.

"To give you a bit of an advantage." Pearl had said. Connie assumed there was some form of magic in it and had left it alone, only taking it down to sharpen and clean it.

Connie takes the middle sword.

Once upon a time, Connie would've had to leave a detailed note filled with lies about being worried and going to check on her tennis coach and his 'wife' (Connie, having never been to his house or so much as heard one story about this supposed wife, not to mention a few other cues, has a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't married, or the least bit interested in women, for that matter. He's a very nice man. Connie likes him.) and how she would 'be back soon.'

Now-a-days Connie doesn't even bother with a note. They'd felt the sonic boom; they knew where she'd be.

Tucking the sword into a belt loop she'd sewn onto the left side of her pants just for said purpose, she sprinted down the stairs and out the door, fully expecting and willing to run all the way to the beach, when she almost collides face-first into a fuzzy pink mane.

Connie stumbles back. Lion doesn't seem all that offended by the almost run-down. He watches her, eyes narrowed slightly.

"Did you come to pick me up?" She asks hesitantly. Sure, Steven has unlocked the powers of Lion Lickers, but that didn't mean that the feline didn't go off on his own. It was more than likely he'd come all this way _just_ to get in her way; or perhaps _just_ to take her to the beach, to have her around to help protect his boy.

In response, Lion lays down and waits for her to climb on. Connie does so without hesitation.

One warping via Lion's roar and subsequent tossing of glasses later, Connie is on the beach. She's incredibly thankful for the time saver, and made a mental note to give the cat a couple of Lion Lickers later as a thanks.

"Connie!" Steven raced over to greet her. Lion calmly pads over to where the three gems are conversing frantically.

"Steven!" She returns the greeting, pressing their foreheads together fondly- an action stemming back to that dance such a long time ago. She pulls away, making her face serious. "Did I miss anything?"

"Other than everyone freaking out? Not really." He paused in thought. "I asked mayor Dewey to evacuate the town again."

She nodded, then stopped in thought. "The gems aren't making you go with Mr. Universe?"

Steven shrugs with an awkward chuckle. "I think they've given up on that."

Connie didn't blame them. Steven, while not mean or obtrusive, is a force of nature when he honestly feels like he can help. Connie would never try to step in his way if she could help it.

Soon a car comes streaking down the street. Her mother jumps out. Connie meets her on the edge of the beach.

"Connie!" The tall woman draws the girl into a hug. "They're evacuating the town."

"I know."

She nodded at the ship. "Is that..."

"Homeworld?"

"Homeworld."

"Yes."

Her mother pulled back and put her hands on her shoulders. "Connie, I know this is important to you. I know you've been training for this. But I didn't expect it to be this... imposing." She hesitated. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

Incredibly sure. Connie has sworn her life to protect Steven and the planet. And, sure. The thought of dying scared her. But she'd rather die _this_ way over any other kind of untimely demise she could conjure up at the moment.

Not that she could tell that to her mom. She couldn't. It was one thing to admit to taking classes to learn self-defense and tagging along with a boy and his magical guardians. It was quite another to admit to being sworn-in and willing to die. Some things are best left unmentioned.

Like Homeworld, for instance. Her mother knew that the gems were rebels who had fought tooth and nail to stay here and would do anything to keep it that way. She _didn't_ know that Homeworld was planning on sucking the Earth dry in an attempt to create more gems should they win, not to mention the geological war-weapons they'd use this world to build.

Connie never bothered to tell her parents about the kindergarten. It didn't seem like her story to tell. And, sure, she could always ask the gems for the okay, just as she had done before explaining to them the significance of Homeworld, but the kindergarten was a touchy topic for them, especially to Amethyst. She'd hate to make the woman feel bad.

She lifted her head to meet her mother's eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

Her lips purse, like she wanted to argue, before closing. Dr. Maheswaran slowly nodded her head. "Alright."

A pearly white hand set itself on her shoulder. Connie glances up, but Pearl is staring at her mother. "She'll be fine. I know what she can or cannot do. She can handle this."

Connie's chest puffed out a bit on its own accord, but she made sure that she didn't let the attention go to her head. She was trying to reassure her parents, after all. "Thank you, ma'am."

She finally spared her a look. "Did you bring that sword I made you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good."

Dr. Maheswaran sighs. It looks like it physically hurts her to stand up, all the while knowing she's going to have to walk away. Connie knew the feeling.

"Just... try to be safe, honey. Please?"

She nods. "I'll do my best."

"That's all I ask for." She spares her one last look before jogging back to the car. Her father, she finds out later, was injured during the boom and isn't allowed to leave the sitting position. He nods to her from the car.

Steven spares her a concerned glance, frown tugging at his features. Connie lays a hand on his shoulder and nods to him. He nods back.

* * *

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl opt not to allow Steven onto the spaceship filled with gems who want to kill him, and borrow Lion to get on board while it's still airborne. It's not long after that that orbs that greatly resemble Peridot's escape board begin raining down on the beach.

Steven and Connie have their work cut out for them- pun not intended. Early morning turns to afternoon which turns to early evening. Connie is tired and sore, her hair sticking up in a multitude of places, but she doesn't dare stop. Stopping meant risking not only her life, but Steven's life. Not to mention the world as a whole.

Steven didn't look quite as tired as she did. Then again, he wasn't exactly running with the same genes she was, either. Gems didn't tire out as fast as humans, nor as easily.

He bent down to bubble a gem and transport it. He shot her a smile. She returned it, turning her back to him to scan the beach.

Steven lets out a strangled noise. Connie saw it all out of the corner of her eye.

She whips around. The blade protruding from Steven's chest is lined with blood. He looks so confused and hurt, as though he couldn't comprehend what was happening to him.

"Steven!" She jerks forward. The boy slumped onto his side. He poofs the moment she touches his shoulder.

The gem rears her sword up to bring it down on his gem. Connie blocks it just before it hits the ground, bending down hurriedly to snatch the pink stone away. The tip of her sword broke under the pressure seconds later.

Connie, in a subconscious protecting gesture, presses Steven's gem to her stomach and goes into a defensive position, blocking blows.

She takes an opening when it presents itself and slams the sword into her eye, where the gem is.

Connie wasn't all that off when she assumed that Pearl had magically enhanced the blade. What she hadn't known was that the stronger she felt about something, the more desperate she became, the stronger the blade would become. In a situation in which she was cornered, such a sword, in Pearl's mind, would be ideal in keeping her alive.

Poofing the gems had been much easier that day, but she'd hardly noticed. Frankly, Connie was used to working her body and working it _hard_. She had always striven to be an overachiever, both mentally and physically, and was able to back up both as healthy with her good diet and proper schedule. She'd just assumed she was growing more numb to the motions with adrenaline and practice.

The knife lurched through the stone like it were butter. There was a noticeable pause. The gem poofed in a fog of white, its shattered remains falling uselessly to the ground.

Connie stares at it a second, confused and surprised, before tossing the damaged weapon aside and falling to the sands to-

* * *

Stevonnie broke apart.

Steven, face white, looks positively ill. He curled in on himself, slowly letting the information process. Connie instantly felt bad.

"Steven, I'm sorry. I-"

He shook his head, eyes glazed with tears. "I-I'm okay. I just... needed to be me for a sec."

Connie quietly watches him for a second, wanting to put a hand on his shoulder. It hovers mid-air, just as unsure as she is. "We can stop, if you want."

He shook his head again. "I just need a breather. I don't wanna stop. Do you?"

Connie hadn't even considered it, so caught up in her worry. She slowly shook her head. "I'd rather get it over with. You know, rip the band-aid off all at once."

Steven probably doesn't know that saying- he's only ever been to a hospital once in his entire life, and, even then, he hadn't been getting _treated_ for anything- but he doesn't say as much. He doesn't say anything.

"Are you... okay?"

"Yeah. It's just... it's kinda scary, you know? That a gem can break that easily- with just a bit of magic and some really good aim. That could've been Garnet or Amethyst or Pearl and I wouldn't have been able to help them even if I _hadn't_ been poofed."

Connie scoots over to sit beside him, wrapping her arm around her knees. The prosthetic is in the grass by the fence. Connie doesn't so much as glance at it; the thing is pretty creepy when it isn't attached to anything.

"I'm sorry. I should be more freaked out about this, shouldn't I?"

"Why would you be?" Steven says, staring at his knees. "I mean, one time, me and the gems were watching movies and I was flipping through the channels and I hit a horror movie. I switched it pretty quick, but there was a bunch of blood and gore and stuff on the screen. It was really gross. Kinda freaked me out. But Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl... they weren't all that bothered by it. And why should they be? Gems don't bleed. They can create organs if they want them, but they don't _need_ them. To them, it was just a bunch of extras flying across the screen."

"It was... kind of surreal, honestly." Connie says quietly.

"The gems don't find human death creepy. Sad, yeah, but not traumatizing or anything. Why would it be any different for you?"

Connie doesn't answer. They sit together in silence for a while. Steven took in a sharp breath.

"I'm ready if you're ready."

"Always."

This time, they don't bother with a dance. They just hug.

* * *

Connie stares at it a second, confused and surprised, before tossing the damaged weapon aside and falling to the sands to catch her breath, Steven's gem still in hand.

Feeling vaguely numb, Connie gently pressed the gem to her forehead in a shallow echo of the head-bump they'd done hours earlier. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and wills away tears.

 _Boom!_

Connie jerks her head up. The spaceship exploded mid-air. It quickly fell to pieces and began plummeting to the Earth.

Right above her head.

Connie doesn't really remember getting to her feet. She thinks she might've uttered an apology on the way up, as though this was somehow her fault. Either way, one second she was sitting, and another, she was running down the beach.

So caught up in her adrenaline, she didn't notice the stone sticking out of the sand until she was tripping over herself. Steven's gem flew a few feet away and landed safely into the sand.

Connie looks up to check on things. A large part of the ship is over her head and closing in fast. Scrambling to her feet once again, she snatches his gem up and tucks herself into a roll that flips her on her side halfway through.

The ship part crashes onto the beach. Once again Steven's gem dives into the sand.

Connie isn't sure if she screamed. Probably. Who wouldn't scream, with their right arm crushed under the heated weight of the ship?

That's around the time things start getting fuzzy.

She remembers, vaguely, feeling a small twinge of worry. Not that much- the pressure would help with the bleeding and the heat would probably be enough to seal off some of her wounds- but it was there, and it began to grow into panic.

Just because The Crystal Gems took the ship down _didn't_ mean they took down the gems _in_ the ship. Right this very instant a Homeworld gem could be pulling herself out of the rubble, searching for someone to take vengeance on.

Someone like Steven.

Bracing her feet on the side of the ship, she stretches out as far as she can. Steven's gem is just a few centimeters out of reach, but Connie is determined. She's going to protect him even if she has to cut her own arm off to do it.

She becomes aware of the fact that her vision is blurred by the feeling of tears rolling down her face, but otherwise ignores it.

A large pink nose nudged the gem within arms reach. Lion stared her down, looking as sad as a giant feline could look.

Connie picks the gem up, rolls onto the part of her shoulder that isn't crushed (although she's fairly sure it's dislocated) with a wince, and curls into a protective ball, Steven's gem held against her stomach.

She barely registers the sound of Lion roaring. Less than a minute later, she hears it again. Three familiar shapes are hovering over her.

Her grip on his gem loosens. Garnet's weapon is hovering in the air, uncurled from its normal fist. Connie passes out.

* * *

"Woah."

Stevonnie stood up, feeling a restless energy in their legs. "That was awesome. And sad."

"Sad?"

"Yeah. You went through that all alone; all for us. Sorry."

Stevonnie shook their head and wrapped their arms around themselves as a makeshift hug. "We all have to be alone sometimes. Even Garnet. Besides, I wasn't alone. We were together."

"But I couldn't help you."

"I couldn't help _you_ , either. But we were there, and that's what matters."

"I'm sorry we pushed you into this."

Stevonnie shook their head once again and tightened the hug. "We needed it."

 **Author's Note: Stevonnie used I/us pronouns when talking to themselves, so I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries by writing their dialogue the way I did. And don't worry; they'll make another appearance later.**

 **I think now would be a good time to tell the story of how this story came out. This while thing started out as a start of a drabble series, wherein Connie, over time, would reveal that one of her limbs was a magic prosthetic. The story flopped before I even finished chapter one; it was all too vague. I was worried that the idea would never be written out; I love Connie's knight ambition, and had yet to see any cause-and-effect stories for it.**

 **The idea for the missing arm itself was drawn from binge-listening to 'Do it for him/her'. I love the song; it's got so many twists and turns. (Also, there's a person on tumblr that did a detailed explanation for the song called 'Pearl's influence on Connie'. I urge you to read it, if that's your sort of thing.) But the part of the song that's always hit me the most are the first two lines;**

 **' _You do it for him_**

 ** _And you would do it again_!'**

 **That's a big commitment to make. Not only is Connie being told to be willing to do anything for Steven (brave fire, death, and destruction) but she's being told to be willing to do it again and again with the same amount of vigor, all to protect her 'liege.'**

 **I wondered how far that willingness would go, and this came out of it. Connie's not only has lost her arm, but she's willing to lose it _again_ for Steven. That takes a sort of fierce, protective pride you don't see just anywhere. **

**The full story idea came to me while listening to 'Say Something.' (Seriously, the song fits really well with this story; at least for the mood.) I imagined Connie fighting to protect Steven on a war-torn battle field, then quickly wrote out the first chapter.**

 **...Only to lose the internet for over four more weeks afterwards.**

 **Anyway, I just wanted to share that. I know this is a seriously long Author's Note.**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Author's Note: Last pre-written chapter, folks! And the much-needed Ruby and Sapphire chapter. =)**

 **...**

 **Dante Watterson \- I will keep that in mind. =)**

 **Sueanoi \- Taking that as a compliment. =)**

 **The Keeper of Worlds \- Yeah, I kind of figured. I won't lie; I don't have a better way of expressing the trauma here than I already have. I just don't know. Most of the time, when it's a story like this, the characters all go through phases of intense drama- and don't get me wrong, I don't blame them- but I wanted to take a newer approach. Show the numb time between the injury and when it fully sinks in.**

 **(Also, to your family in the military, police force, and possible EMT's; thank you. Thank you for service and going above and beyond for the country and the people in it. Just. Thank you.)**

 **...**

"Hey, do we have any heat resistant cups?"

"I... don't know, honestly." Pearl paused for a second in thought before joining the search with a shrug. "Sapphire's having a bad night, I presume?"

Ruby grunted as mildly as she could in reply. "She's thirsty." She said finally. "And I'll melt any other cups you could give me, I'm so irritable."

Pearl thought about remarking that Ruby was almost always angry on one level or another, but immediately threw the thought out the window. The gem was honestly concerned about her partner and their usually stable fusion was in tatters. It wasn't her right. It wasn't _anybody's_ right.

Cup procured, Ruby carefully filled it with tap water. They were both mildly surprised that nothing melted in the process.

"Thanks."

Pearl went to nod in reply, but the red gem has already left her side, intent on seeing Sapphire through the night. That kind of bull-headed loyalty and support, Pearl decided, was exactly what the other gem needed.

"Wait a sec." Amethyst cut in front of her to open the door to her own room. "I got something I need to give you."

"But-" She was gone, the door slamming behind her. Ruby let out a sigh that sounded more like an angry roar and twitched her leg impatiently.

"Come'on, Amethyst. Hurry up."

Pearl got the feeling that she _was_ hurrying, struggling through the piles of junk in search of something. It wouldn't be the first time.

Amethyst reappeared with a fuzzy brown blanket. It was old, with a few holes in it, but it was clean and ready for use. "Here."

Ruby studied the blanket for a moment before flashing her a grateful smile and draping it across her left shoulder. "Thanks."

She stepped out of the way. "S'all yours."

Ruby left without another word. The smile on Amethyst's face faltered the moment the door shut. She exchanged a glance with Pearl.

"Those two seriously need to fuse. They're driving themselves crazy."

"They'll work it out in their own time." Pearl returns briskly, walking away.

"I'm not sayin' they won't. I'm just stating the obvious; the separation is ripping them apart."

* * *

Sapphire wrapped the blanket around her shoulders without a word, holding open a space for Ruby to sit on her right under the blanket. She takes it and hands the cup over.

It freezes in her hands. Ruby smacks her forehead. "Right. _Heat_ resistant." She took the cup and touched her pointer and middle finger to the surface. It melted almost immediately. Ruby put the cup to her lips and gently tilted it, her other hand cupping her chin to catch any spills.

"Thank you." Sapphire says softly, once the cup is empty. Ruby sets it aside.

"No biggie. Better?"

"Mmm." She nods. There was a pause. Sapphire chuckles ironically. "The children are doing better with fusion than we are."

Ruby blinked. "They... fused?"

"Yes."

"Oh." She broke out into a smile. "Good for them, then."

"Yes."

Ruby suddenly felt awkward. "Sapphire, I'm sorry."

Sapphire didn't reply. She gripped the blanket and pulled it closer. Ruby noticed a layer of ice forming under her hand and made a mental note to clean it before she returned it.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, no. Keep going."

"Okay." She wrapped her arms around her knees. "I'm sorry I took control. Garnet is a partnership, and I broke that."

"Right."

"I hope you understand my reasons _behind_ breaking that. And, before you say anything, I know that doesn't make it right. I just want you to know I didn't do it just to hurt us."

"I know."

She nods. "But the thing I'm really sorry about is that you had to see that. You deserve better."

"So do you."

Ruby didn't have a reply to that.

After a few minutes of silence, Sapphire scooched over and leaned against her arm. Ruby supported her without a thought.

"Sapphire?"

"I seem to recall a conversation much like this one. Only it wasn't you doing the apologizing; and it certainly wasn't about Connie."

Ruby vaguely remembered that conversation. It involved future vision and some tears. "That's different."

"How so?"

"Seeing the future is all about possibilities. It's the good _and_ the bad, and most of it can be discarded anyway. This isn't just a possibility; this is reality, and you can't change reality."

"Future vision _is_ a reality." Sapphire reminded her. "It's just a reality we've learned to accept and live with."

"I'm sorry."

"You're saying that a lot tonight."

"Because I feel like it's my fault." Ruby answered honestly, fiddling with her hands.

"As do I. But what you said to Connie is the truth; she didn't make the ship fall on her. _We_ didn't make the ship fall on her."

"You're taking this pretty well."

"No, I'm not." She shook her head. "But I also realize that things are going to be okay. Connie is alive. Steven is alive. Homeworld is, for now, gone. It will take time, and work, but things will eventually work themselves out. We need to focus on that right now."

Ruby sighed and wrapped her arms around Sapphire to pull her into a hug, gently pressing their foreheads together.

The blue gem slowly pulls away and stands up. Ruby reaches out a hand but doesn't try to stop her. "Wait, Sapphy. I'm sorry. I-"

Sapphire turns around and holds out a hand. "Dance?"

Ruby blinks at her. "Dance?"

"Dance. We haven't properly danced in ages. Not even as Garnet."

That was true, but Ruby personally preferred Garnet's style of dance over her own. "But, if we dance, we'll fuse." She points out.

"Yes. I'm ready to give it a try if you are."

Ruby doesn't answer. She gently grabbed the offered hand and intertwined their fingers.

Garnet pauses and stiffens, waiting for the torrent of bad emotions she'd felt before to well up. Even if they did, however, she wasn't going to un-fuse. Not like last time.

They don't come. Not like they did last time, anyway. She breathes out a sigh of relief and crosses her arms as a sort of one-gem hug, smiling to herself.

"That's much better."

* * *

Steven and Connie held hands on the way back to the temple. Normally such a thing would hardly even register- they've always done little things like hold hands and bump foreheads and snuggle under blankets- but the hand Steven is holding is the fake one. She can't feel it (although she is, oddly, dead certain that their fingers still interlock perfectly), but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he doesn't even act like he's noticed.

And maybe he hasn't, she thought. Steven has never been the type to worry over that sort of thing.

Steven lets go of her hand and lets out a squeal at the sight of Garnet patiently waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. "Garnet!"

"Hey." She gently picks him up and presses a kiss to his forehead. "It's gettin' dark out. Pearl'd have a fit if you were out too late; even if there's no one else around."

"I missed you."

Garnet smiled. "Never left."

"Yeah, I know." Steven smiled back. "It's just... I love Ruby and Sapphire, but I miss you when you're not you."

"Missed bein' me." She admits gruffly, crouching down to set him on the sand. She opens an arm for Connie. "Come'on in. You deserve a hug too."

Connie does so hesitantly. Steven hums beside her.

"Hugs are awesome." He says.

"Yup." Garnet says simply. "Hugs for all."

It's good to have her back.

 **Author's Note: Garnet's back! =)**

 **Also, I know that may have been a bit confusing, so here's the run-down; Ruby took over Garnet during the severing of Connie's arm, because, while Sapphire had to _see_ it, she could make sure that she didn't have a _physical_ part of it. Garnet is an equal partnership. Ruby deliberately turned that partnership on it's head. Sapphire demanded they un-fuse as soon as Connie and Steven were safe, and Ruby didn't argue. They've been like this ever since.**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **Author's Note: Garnet, Connie, and Stevonnie feels for all! =)**

 **...**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds \- That's the point, my friend. =) One thing I give the Crewniverse serious kudos for; Ruby and Sapphire don't have the stereotypical 'one side is right and the other is completely wrong' sort of arguments. They also don't devolve into name-calling or ditching each other like children. Ruby only left because she was burning the carpet, and she sat next to Sapphire at the dinner, even though I'm sure Steven or Greg offered to sit there instead.**

 **broken hallelujah \- Really? I love Connie's relationship with her folks, actually. It's realistic. Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran just want to protect their daughter. It's an incredibly realistic thing going on between them; like many of the relationships in Steven Universe.**

 **I've never seen it written before either, honestly, but that's how it would work. Connie was doing her job as a knight. Seeing gems wouldn't faze her. Seeing Steven or another human hurt _would_.**

 **That's one of my favorite parts, actually. =) She's not just cradling him, either; she's protecting him. It's like she said; no one knows if there was other gems on the beach before Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl showed up. Connie, unable to protect him properly, was shielding him from harm with her body.**

 **(on the P.S.- This is one of my first stories in this sort of tense. I've always done past tense before. As a writer, I need to know what I'm doing wrong. How else will I grow? =))**

 **broken hallelujah \- It's reassuring indeed. Garnet's easily the strongest figure on air so far, as well as one of Steven's greatest allies. It's not just reassuring; it's exactly the safe kind of environment the kids need right now.**

 **Ruby's a protective life partner, I give her that. She did what she honestly thought was best. =)**

 **Dante Watterson \- Thanks. =)**

 **Pikminsanity \- HUGS indeed! Gotta love the hugs.**

 **Sueanoi \- GARNET'S back! **

**I didn't have any Garnet-Connie plans, honestly, but your comment got my thinking, so here you go. =)**

 **Red Star \- Yeah, I know what you mean. I like those what'll happen when Steven regenerates theories, but this story just isn't the place for them. Like Peridot. Maybe some other story. =)**

 **...**

"I did that." Garnet says, voice strong but grim. She pokes the healed scar with her pointer finger thoughtfully before drawing away, leaning her arms against the back of the couch.

Connie wonders if that was how the gems had all felt when they first saw her shoulder. The point-blank curiosity was nothing new; even Pearl had snuck a look when she thought Connie wasn't looking. But Garnet had a much more personal reason to feel that way, while the gems had just been recovering from the shock of almost losing the two children.

"No, the ship did that." She answers, voice strong, before reattaching the prosthetic with a mild wince.

"Of course it did." She says, voice calm. Despite the topic, she seems to be honestly content. Being newly re-fused probably has something to do with it. "But I severed it."

Connie swallows. She can't meet her eye, so instead she stares straight ahead. "There's nothing anyone could have done. My arm still would've been useless even if you _didn't_ break it. At least, this way, I can still do things with it."

Garnet nods. "Guess we're both bein' silly; blaming ourselves. How's that thing feel, anyway?"

She sounds honestly curious. Connie ignores her first statement and stretches her right arm out. "It doesn't, honestly. There's no nerves. It could get crushed and I wouldn't feel a thing."

That's the wrong thing to say. Connie winces in Garnet's stead; the gem merely bows her head.

"It wasn't your fault, you know. It's neither of our faults."

Connie blinks at her. "I never said I blamed myself. I didn't make the ship crash."

"I'm taking about Steven."

She tenses without meaning to. Garnet puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It would've happened eventually. All gems get poofed at least once. It's almost a right of passage."

"But Steven isn't just a gem." She reminds her. "He's human too."

"No, he isn't." Garnet agrees, and leaves it at that.

There's a pause. Connie's fingers tighten their death grip on her pants. "I looked away."

"Hmm?"

"When we were fighting Homeworld. I turned my back on him, _knowing_ there were hostile gems on the beach." Tears spring up in her eyes, unbidden. Connie wipes them away with an awkward chuckle. "Some knight I am."

It's true. Even if Pearl's training has lightened up after Steven's intervention, the code itself hasn't changed. A knight dies for their liege. Jumps headfirst into battle, if that's what they need. It's their purpose; the thing that keeps them going battle after battle.

In this case, a knight dies for her friend.

If anyone should've been stabbed that day, it was her. Steven didn't deserve that. _She_ didn't deserve that. But Steven deserved it less.

"Connie?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

She jerks her head up in surprise. "For what?"

"For fighting with us. You didn't have to. You could've left with your folks, but you stood by us- stood by Steven- with your head high. That's not an easy decision to make. I owe you Steven's life- _my_ life. All our lives, really. So, thanks."

Connie feels her cheeks heat up. Garnet doesn't give praise lightly. She stares at her hands. It's so hard to imagine that one of them is fake, but she twitches the fingers and- nope. Nothing. "Anyone would have done the same; so long as they had the right training."

"Hmm." Garnet smiles, pleased at the obvious pride Connie is showing through her stiff shoulders and bright gaze. "I don't think so."

* * *

"There." Stevonnie stands up, looking over the fixed and repainted Big Donut sign with a nod of satisfaction. "That's better."

They pause. There's a storm of bad feelings inside of them, rolling around in their belly like bad food. "...Are you okay?"

They nod. The bad feelings are locked away in a metaphorical box. One half of them gingerly pokes and prods at it, but doesn't try to force it open against their will.

"I don't want to talk about it."

The feelers disappear. "Okay." Stevonnie says. "I won't push us if you don't think we're ready."

They glance around. "What next?"

But there's nothing left. They've fixed everything within climbing distance. All afternoon, they've been Stevonnie. They slept as Stevonnie last night as well. It was comfy, albeit a bit weird.

"Are we together too much?" They blurt, feeling the confusion and uncertainty bubble up.

"No, no. But we're not Garnet."

"Garnet's cool."

"She is. But Garnet is who she is. We're a part of ourselves, but we're not who we really are."

They reach out and gently touch their arm. They can feel it, but it doesn't feel like it used to. It's rubbery to the touch; like silicone. A jolt of guilt went through them.

"Does it bother you?"

"No. Does it bother you?"

They don't answer. "I've made peace with it. It hurts, but there's nothing we could do. We don't regret it."

"Would you go through it again?"

A surge of fierce pride and determination swept through them. Stevonnie straightens their shoulders. "If that's what I needed to do. I want to protect us."

"I want to protect us too." They echo. Stevonnie sits down, staring out over the city from the roof of their favorite convenience store.

"We protect each other." A pause. They hesitate. "Is that... what you're trying to do now? Protect us?"

"I couldn't protect us before, and you got hurt."

"We're still hurt. Both of us."

"I know." They say with feeling. "This way we can get through the hurt together. As us."

"We don't have to fuse to work things out."

"I know, but it just felt right. Are we... being too pushy? About being us?"

"Of course not." They reassured themselves. "We like being ourselves. We understand how Garnet feels, when we're like this. But... I can't go home like this."

"The gems will be proud." _Especially Garnet._ "They've let us before."

"Steven, you know what I mean."

A flash of anxiety. The town would soon no longer be empty. What then? What will they say? "They would understand."

That calms them a little. "Little steps. They'll meet us eventually." The bad feelings tap audibly against the box, asking to be let out. "You know, it's hard to help us when we're hiding from each other."

They hesitated. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"We wouldn't have agreed to fusing if we had any doubts."

Fair enough. The box falls apart.

There's a lot of guilt. The image of _her,_ bleeding and crying and screaming, hurts them. One half of them feels bad for having been forced to retreat. The other half accepts these feelings like a hug, along with those of being forced into their gem- the disorienting images and confusion and sense of vulnerability; the warm touch of _her_ hand- and reassures them.

There is, oddly enough, no regret, nor any fear. "You weren't scared?"

They shake their head. "Were you?"

Stevonnie pauses in thought, head tilted to the side. "Yes. We were scared for you."

"I was safe. You were the one in pain."

They vehemently shook their head. "We're both in pain. It's never just one of us..." They pause. "Is that... what we're afraid of?"

A rush of emotions flow over them. The force of them- from both sides- brought tears to their eyes, but they didn't start crying. They wipe them away with an ironic chuckle. "We cry too much."

"I'm not sorry."

"Me neither." They wrap their arms around their knees and curl close, feeling comfort in their natural warmth. "We'll be okay. Let's just focus on that right now."

 **Author's Note: You know, I wasn't sure I liked this chapter at first. It's grown on me really quickly. =)**

 **Writing Stevonnie isn't easy. I've written transgender stories before, but this is the first story I've written where they/them pronouns are present. I tried to make it sound like they were talking to each other, themselves, and about both of them at once.**

 **For those who don't get it (it's a bit vague, I fear); Steven isn't sure how to handle the situation any more than Connie does. As Stevonnie, he feels like they can give each other a measure of comfort.**

 **Finally got my computer back. This is the first chapter I've gotten to type on it in over a month. It's refreshing, albeit weird. I'm gonna have to get reused to this.**

 **Also, only two chapters left. Man, I'm gonna miss this story.**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **...**

 **Sueanoi \- I try. Thanks. =)**

 **Pikminsanity \- I do the same thing, honestly. Especially depending on my mood.**

 **Pegalover \- I know that feeling. I love writing this story. I'm gonna miss it.**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds \- One things a lot of shows/movies/books/etc like to do is focus on the main character's guilt. The whole 'this is my fault even though I was ten miles away and now that you've said it's not everything's better' is a pretty common thing. But it's not the only guilt. Everyone's been effected in some way, shape, or form by this. From the gems who fought to the humans forced to flee. I didn't really realize that was what I was focusing on, but now I realize it might just be the point of this fic. I'm not sure, really. =)**

 **Dalekz Universe \- Read on, my friend. The parents make a brief appearance. =)**

 **...**

The first thing Lion does upon seeing her is press his head to hers, a loud purr rumbling just below the surface. Connie doesn't pull away, although she wrinkles her nose in the vain hope of fighting off the smell of whatever it is Lion has recently eaten mixed with Lion Lickers.

"Aww, he's as happy you're safe as we are!" Steven squeals, but she doesn't think that's quite it.

Lion pulls back and meets her eye, and suddenly she gets it. He's thanking her for putting Steven first. For protecting him. For fighting with him. The cat had taken a major risk, leaving Steven's gem with her when he went to fetch help. Anything could have happened in that pivotal minute. The ship could've titled over, crushing them both. A Homeworld gem could've burst out of the rubble, killed her, and crushed Steven like a bug. But it didn't. She didn't betray his trust, and has earned her respect because of it.

It's not every day you realize a neon pink lion considers you his equal. Connie hesitantly reaches out to pet his nose.

"It's all over, big guy. No worries." She lowers her voice so no one else can hear. "He'll always be safe with me."

Lion blinks at her, and the moment is gone. Before Connie can start to wonder if this is just one of those Lion things or if she's going crazy, Garnet steps forward.

"You're both safe. And they better still _be_ safe when you get back." She directs her gaze to the cat in question. "Understand?"

"Aye, aye, Garnet!" Steven salutes. Connie ducks her head respectfully.

"Yes, ma'am."

Lion snorts and lays down. Connie climbs on and wraps her arms around Steven's stomach. She feels oddly safe and protected, head pressed against his shoulder.

Lion takes his time through Beach City, which gives Connie the time to properly respect just how empty the place really is. The silence engulfs her; a certain kind of peace that she's grown accustomed to over these past few weeks.

She's going to have to go back to school soon. The thought is mind boggling.

Connie sighs into Steven's shoulder. "I'm actually going to miss this. Is that weird?"

"Not really. I like the quiet too. It's good to get away sometimes."

She suddenly wishes she had her violin. Add that, a basket of food, and Steven's ukulele, and a night like tonight would be the perfect jam session. Maybe next time.

"Are you going to be okay on your own?"

"Huh?" Connie mentally shakes herself. "Of course. My parents will probably be one of the first families back anyway, so it won't be for long."

Steven laughs. "Yeah, I can see that."

They pause awkwardly. It's hard for either of them to come to terms with the fact that they're parting ways. Their long sleepover has come to an end. They won't be sharing a roof tonight.

Lion jerks to the side and begins to walk another direction.

"Lion?"

He roars. They cling to each other as the pink cat sprints into the portal.

"I thought Garnet said no adventures!" Connie yells.

"She did!" Steven exclaims. "Lion just needs more training! And better hearing!"

They burst through the portal into pitch blackness. It's not a crazy magical adventure, thank goodness. Connie is certain that no one is ready for one of those yet. It's a grassy field, far out in the country. There's no one around but the crickets that chirp in the background.

"Lion must've brought us here to make us feel better." Steven declares. Connie's staring up at the sky.

"Steven," She breathes. "Look."

He looks. The stars are brighter, clearer, and more numerous than either of them have ever seen before.

"Wow..." He breathes.

"Yeah, wow..."

Steven, breathless, lets out a laugh and starts running, chuckling playfully. His laughter is, as always, infectious. Connie trails after him. Their arms are outstretched like airplanes.

Lion goes and lays down at the edge of the clearing, content to let them play.

Eventually, one way or another, they end up colliding into each other, falling to the grass. For half a second she believes wholeheartedly that they're going to fuse, but instead they sprawl out beside each other. Connie feels lightheaded from laughing.

"I needed that." She admits. Steven nods.

"We all do, sometimes; especially at times like this."

Connie nods her head and lets out a sigh that seems to take all of the world's weight off her shoulders. She silently immerses herself in the familiar comforting presence her friend has.

"It's been a long month." She agrees. "The stars are pretty tonight."

"Yeah. It's hard to imagine that one of them is Homeworld, huh?"

"It really is."

"There's so much we'll never know. It's kind of cool." Steven pauses. "Connie, do you ever think of forever?"

Connie blinks at the sky. "I think it doesn't exist, if that's what you mean. We all die."

"What about immortality?"

"Improbable. Even if a person couldn't die, the planet's going to fall apart someday. What then?"

"But what if you could have both? Hypothetically, I mean."

She shrugs. "I guess it would depend on the circumstances involved. Why?"

"I've been thinking about it. About me." Steven fiddles with his fingers. "I'm probably not going to have a normal lifespan, am I?"

No, he won't. Part of him is alien, after all. "You're still partially organic. You couldn't live as long as another gem."

"But the magic and in-organic parts could keep me alive for thousands of years." He persists. "That's still a long time."

"Does that scare you?"

Steven's quiet for a moment. "Not really. I mean... it's a bit daunting? But I don't want to leave the others as early as I would if I were just human. There... might be a way- with Stevonnie and all- to keep us both young, you know. I'd never try it- not without your permission- I was just curious about what you thought."

It's possible, Connie thinks. Even if Stevonnie can't; regular gem magic probably _can_. But would she _want_ to live that long? Outlive her friends and parents; any children she may or may not adopt and raise? (Adopt because Steven- being half-alien- could never had children, and it doesn't seem fair to go off and have her own and shove it in his face)

It's a scary thought. Almost as scary as leaving Steven without a knight, or a friend.

"I think that I want to live as long as I can. If that means two days or two hundred years, so be it."

* * *

Connie's right.

She doesn't know how her parents do it, sometimes. Maybe they got up early to pack and hit the road. Maybe they never slept in the first place, and had sat on the edge of their seats, what things they'd grabbed packed and tidy, waiting for the okay to go home. Either way, she hears the car pull up a little after sunrise. She only hears it because she hasn't slept herself, and has been sitting on the couch, legs tucked under her, ever since Steven escorted her home. But they don't need to know that.

"Connie!"

Her mother lurches forward to draw her into a hug. Her father isn't far behind her. She pulls back to look at her, but Connie doesn't quite meet her eye. "We saw the beach. What happened? Is everyone okay? Are you-"

Her voice dies. Connie doesn't have to look at her to know she's noticed the veins in her shoulder.

"It's... been a long month. But it's fine. We'll be fine."

Her father gingerly puts a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. Connie, trained to spot any weakness in the body that can be used against an opponent in battle, notices that he's nursing his left ankle. "Why don't we get something to eat and unpack?" He suggests. "You can tell us all about it once we've had some time to relax."

She gives them a thin smile- this is going so much better than she'd been expecting, honestly, but she has the nasty habit of underestimating her parents ability to adapt when it came to supporting her- and reaches up to give him another hug. "Sounds like a plan."

 **Author's Note: The beach _has_ been cleaned up, but leftover rubble is still scattered about. It's hard to erase all the signs of battle in such a short time. =)**

 **Last chapter's up next, folks! Sort of a short epilogue sort of deal. I'm going to miss this story a lot. But I'll be around the fandom.**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe**

 **Title: Ashes And Blood**

 **Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.**

 **...**

 **Dalekz Universe \- Yeah. The 'veins' are in her arms, go into her shoulder, and attach to her spine and the base of her brain. They're all under the skin, but you can see the ones in her shoulder. =)**

 **Dante Watterson \- Thank you!**

 **Dante Watterson \- Thank you again!**

 **StevenSquid \- Thanks, but this is actually the epilogue. =)**

 **Sueanoi \- Connie's going to mention that in this chapter, but mostly I'll leave that to your imagination.**

 **Firestorm-244 \- Thank you!**

 **Frogboxe \- I'm sorry you didn't like it. The only thing I can tell you is that there's many other fanfictions to search through. I'm sure you'll find something if you look hard enough.**

 **(Also, I have to mention; the first two paragraphs mention a 'nub' sticking out of Connie's right shoulder in the very first chapter. What was there to not know?) I'm not lazy. I've only been writing for two years now. Give me time to grow and learn. 'No flames!' is the fanfiction equivalent of holding your breath while passing a graveyard. I hope to bat away people who only review to tell me I suck, and so on and so on. All criticism is welcome, even if it's not the nicest. Good day.**

 **The Keeper Of Worlds \- I'm not sure you can count what the gems have as immortality. To us, maybe, but all gems live for thousands of years. That's like the difference of a bug calling a humans longer lifespan 'immortality.'**

 **I'm all for spirits and reincarnation, but I don't know about the underworld. I'm sure bad people get their's in the afterlife, but to have a whole realm dedicated to it? I just don't know...**

 **DragShot \- That's what I hoped to express, honestly. The worst happened before all of this; now they're picking up the pieces.**

 **Pegalover \- A sequel? Hmm, I don't think so. I don't have anything in mind, at least. Although it's far from the last battle.**

 **...**

Pearl's wrong about Connie being at a disadvantage. If anything, she decides, stabbing a Holo-Pearl in the chest, it's an advantage.

She can't feel it. At all. No nerve endings. So, in theory, she can do anything with it without worry. Sure, the prosthetic can break, but Pearl can fix it, or Connie can learn how to fix it- a wise idea for quick battle tune-ups, actually. But it's still a risky move. If this thing is broken beyond repair, a second one probably can't be made.

The question being; should she be more aggressive, or more careful?

Careful, she decides with a flourish. A broken knight is useless in battle, after all.

"I think that's enough for now." Pearl nods her head, face blank. Connie can't tell if she's proud of her progress or if her recovery from all that time of no training is going more slowly than the gem had expected. "Let's take a break."

Connie sighs and locks her frustration away. It's been awhile; of course she's not going to be as agile as she was before. "Yes, ma'am."

"I asked Steven to go grab us some food. I thought you might be hungry." She glances contemplatively at the entrance that led to the warp pad. "He should've been back by now, though."

Connie has a sneaking suspicion of what's keeping him. "He doesn't like that I'm back in training." She says bluntly. "He isn't sure if I'm ready."

Pearl frowned at her. "I don't see why he would think that. You're at full health."

"I know that. And so does he." He still has full confidence in her, but... "I think he's the one who isn't ready. He still feels kind of guilty for what happened- even though it's not his fault."

"Of course it isn't. You chose your own fate that day. We all did."

' _But it was still all for the liege,_ ' she imagines Pearl thinking, and it's not completely wrong. Connie certainly didn't go through all of that for herself. But it wasn't just for Steven. It was for the whole stinkin' world. She had all the good reasons for doing what she did.

"We all did what we thought was best." Connie agrees. Pearl frowns and looks away.

"Something like that. Let's go set up the picnic basket."

She wonders what that's supposed to mean, but doesn't question her mentor as she grabs the carefully folded blanket from the front row. She helps her unfold it in the center without a word. Pearl will tell her if it's something worth telling.

"How are your parents holding up?" Pearl asks, sitting down without so much as wrinkling the blanket. Feeling vaguely impressed, Connie tosses aside grace and flops down, legs crossed. "I know they worry."

"They're worried, but they both agree that the best way to avoid a repeat performance is more training. It's better to know my way around the battlefield then go charging in blind."

"I see." Pearl briefly hesitates, carefully considering her words, before finally asking the dreadful question. "And what all did you tell them?"

Connie blinks at her calmly. She's been expecting the question all day. If not from her, then from Steven. "I told them the truth, if that's what your asking. This didn't seem like the sort of thing to gloss over."

"Everything?"

"Yes, ma'am. Even about the kindergarten." She bowed her head a little. "I'm sorry I didn't ask first."

"No, no. I'm glad you're able to confide in them. I'm just... surprised. I thought they'd be more angry."

"Well, they hate Homeworld on a more personal level, but..." Connie noted the faraway look in her eye. "Ma'am?"

"I'm alright, Connie. I merely assumed they'd be unhappy with me."

"You? Of course not. You're the reason I survived."

"Yes, but..." She hesitates, as though unsure of going on. "I gave your mother my word that all would go well, and it didn't."

"You couldn't control what happened. They understand that. _I_ understand that."

"Hmm." She doesn't sound very convinced.

"If they blamed you, would they continue to let me train?"

"I _did_ build you a replacement." She points out.

"Which means nothing to my folks. Or to me."

"Well, that's good. I've learned from my mistakes about offering gifts in exchange for forgiveness. I didn't want it to be seen as such."

"No, ma'am." She promises. "Anything but."

"I'm back!" She hears the warp pad deactivate. Steven stumbles into the sky arena with a picnic basket, his ukulele tucked under his arm, and her violin case haphazardly balanced on top. "Surprise!"

"A jam session?"

"Yup! Well, a mini-one, since you gotta get back to training." He carefully sets everything down. "You know, if you're up for it. Solos are kind of fun to."

"Are you kidding?" She reaches eagerly for her case. "I've been itching to try this out again."

She checks to make sure it's in tune before bringing it to her chin. It feels awkward in her arms- she hasn't played since the battle, and she has a brand new, permanently numb limb- but it also feels _right_. Like this is the moment she's been waiting for.

Steven sits down happily. Pearl unpacks their lunch, smile on her face.

"Let's jam out!"

Connie laughs, long and full, picks up her bow, and starts to play.

 **Author's Note: Because Connie has had some sort of talk with everyone _but_ her mentor. At the very least, she and Pearl have had the least amount of contact this story.**

 **Whelp. Here we are. At the end. I'm gonna miss this. It was a lot of fun. =)**

 **Until the next story- see you around!**

 **-Mandaree1**

 **No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


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